"We lay on our backs, looking at the ceiling and wondering what God had wrought when He made life so sad.."

True words from a true man, Mr. Jack Kerouac. It seems lately I spend alot of nights laying in bed thinking. I'd rather think then dream. My dreams are always a dark mess of my worst fears. Lately, alot of my dreams end with me breaking down into tears after something terrible happens. Most of the time the dreams are of me being left stranded and alone. I think I'm more scared of that then anything else in this world. I remember when I was younger, I always had dreams about monsters and devils and your typical run of the mill terrors. With time we out grow the monsters in the closet and trade them in for the real demons of life. I have alot of demons but I think I chose not to face them. I can't help but face them in my dreams.

This is why I'm a big fan of late night thinking. The silence of a sleepy household brings out my most creative and meaningful thoughts. I like to think about what purpose I have here. I never can really find an answer. My mistakes and wrong doings are the only things that come to mind which leave me to wonder if I was put here just to fail. I sure hope that's not the case. I think that failure is a fear of mine too. Maybe I will finally have a definite answer tonight. Maybe it will be in my dreams...